Silent Love
by Kjpanny Kjchristie17
Summary: Kaoru realizes her feelings for Kenshin, but doesn't act one them. However, when Kenshin finds himself another admirer, someone who would be perfect for him, Kaoru doesn't know how to react.


Most women don't like their vulnerabilities to show. Kaoru was no different. Having raised herself after her father's death in a world that only looked upon women as breeding tools, she was considered brash, loud and having no feminine wiles. At night, when she would sit outside her room, drinking tea, she would look at the empty dojo, at her house, and yearn. She wanted a family, a man to hold her at night, some hustle and bustle. During nights like those, she imagine three children playing in the dojo, a faceless husband sitting by her side and being surrounded by friends. However, dreams are what they are, dreams. And when it would grow late, she would put away her empty tea pot, and go to bed, alone.

She longed to be happy. However, her father's death had left her in a position that the men in the village looked at her with leery eyes and the women looked at her with scorn. A _proper_ woman would have packed up her dojo and gone to her relatives so that she could be married and save the honor of her clan. However, Kaoru had concealed the papers of the dojo, avoided her relatives who wanted their greedy hands on her father's house and taken care of herself. She was, in essence, a disgraced woman.

So, when she had come across the red haired rurouni, in need of redemption, she had taken him in, greedy for companionship. The rurouni attracted people to him like a light does a moth. Soon, she had abundance in friends, but at times she wondered if they would abandon her if he ever left. They did after all tell her that she was unlady-like, ugly, and had no cooking skills whatsoever.

However, the red haired individual showed no signs of leaving, so she became complacent. She hadn't counted on falling in love with him, no she hadn't. The day that she realized that she had fallen for him, she started studying his behavior for any signs that he reciprocate her feelings. Weeks passed and she felt disheartened. It didn't come as a surprise though. She was completely unsuitable to be anyone's bride. What made her so special that the rurouni would take notice? The hole in her heart grew larger, but she concealed the pain, throwing herself into teaching Yahiko, the one person, she knew needed her, because he was just as alone as she was.

So she loved her first love in silence.

Two years had passed when one day she entered the dojo and found a strange woman sitting with Kenshin. Blinking, confused, her heart dreading his answer, she approached them.

"Kenshin, I'm home. Who's our guest?"

The woman was polite, beautiful and was an amazing cook. Everything, she wasn't. She was the fisherman's daughter. Kenshin had saved her life a few days ago and she had brought him rice balls to thank him. Her friends liked her and Miwako started coming by more often. Slowly and steadily, she became integrated into their new family, becoming closer and closer to Kenshin, all while Kaoru watched helplessly from the sidelines.

Her heart broke, bled as she would watch Kenshin sit with the beautiful woman, Sango try to flirt with her, Yahiko try to win praises from her and Megumi chat with her in a way she had never chatted with Kaoru before. She had no place to go, no place to run anymore, so she simply became more withdrawn, more silent and just watched.

She didn't notice the worried looks her friends would give her at times, the concern Yahiko's eyes would show when she became tired more easily, when she would cut practice short. Her cheerfulness dimmed, her eyes became dull and listless and her appetite diminished. She didn't take notice. She had thrown herself into her work in such a fury to distract herself from the pain that she didn't notice that she was worrying the others.

She took the laundry from Kenshin, did the sweeping and cleaning herself. The only task she let Kenshin do was cooking the meals. In the evening, when there could be no task left, and the house was bustling with laughter, she would slip away for a long walk, only to return late when the house was silent. She was trying to protect her already bruised heart.

One late evening when she entered the dojo, back from her walk, she noticed Kenshin sitting on the porch alone. She made to move forward to greet him, but Miwako opened the door to his bedroom and came outside.

Her breath froze.

The girl came forward and leant by the rurouni's side, clasping his hand smiling and saying something.

Standing in the shadows, Kaoru let her tears flow, unchecked. Turning around, she left the same way she had come. She walked along the road, wishing she could run somewhere, wishing she had someplace to hide, when a gentle hand on her shoulder stopped her.

Sano stood behind her, worry in his gaze. Her state of disarray frightened him, and despite her protests, he took her to Megumi's. She let them scold her for being so careless, for making them worry. She didn't know they had been. She vowed to herself never to let them worry again. Megumi gave her a check up and the more she did the tests the more worried she started looking.

She dragged Sano out to have a word. Kaoru sat up and dangled her feet in silence. The pain in her heart was there, but it seemed dull. She found she had no energy to even move. Leaning against the chair, she closed her eyes and felt her energy leave her. She had no will to fight for it. She let it take her away from the pain.

She didn't hear Megumi's cry of distress on seeing her slumped form. Sano's curse went unheard as well.

When she awoke her eyes, Kaoru found herself in her room. The screens were closed. Pulling herself into a sitting position, she looked around. How did she get here? A slight noise from outside drew her attention and her screen slid aside and Kenshin peeked in. Relieved that she was awake, he entered the room and sat down next to her.

"How are you feeling, Miss Kaoru?"

Kaoru remembered the way he had smiled at Miwako and how she left from his room and the urge to cry and scream filled her soul. However, she smiled, "I'm fine, Kenshin. What is going on?"

The red head studied her with a strange intensity. He had never looked at her like that before and it made her heart beat faster. Firmly, telling herself to stop being foolish, she looked at him patiently, waiting for him to answer.

Kenshin clasped her hand, shocking her. His eyes didn't leave hers, but his voice was gently, "You're very sick, Miss Kaoru. Everyone is very worried."

"They are, are they?" She couldn't stop the bitterness from escaping. Seeing his frown she pulled her hand away from him, and gave him that fake smile she had grown accustomed to giving, "I'm sure they are. And I can't be _that_ sick. Would you please leave so that I can dress?"

Kenshin had never seen this level of self hatred in anyone as he had just seen in Kaoru. She had been hiding herself from all of them, especially from him. She thought he didn't notice, that he didn't know the lengths she was going to avoid him, keeping herself immersed in the housework, avoiding sitting with any of them by going on long walks. He had wanted to ask her, to confront her, but with Miwako hanging around him all day, it was hard to approach Kaoru.

He should have seen this, she was overworking herself, she was unhappy, but about what? Megumi had been oddly subdued last evening when she had called for him. Kaoru was dangerously ill and needed attention and proper care or her health would deteriorate. When she had insisted that she stay at the clinic, Kenshin had grown so angry that a hint of golden had entered his eyes. He had carried Kaoru all the way back from the clinic. Her unconscious form had lain in his arms, her face turned in his shoulder, her body limp and yet so light, a little too light. He planned on nursing her back to health, himself. She was _his _responsibility. Nobody else's.

"You will not be leaving your futon, Miss Kaoru. You are in need of rest."

She grit her teeth. He could see her working up a fine rage and he enjoyed every second of it. It had been too long that he had seen Miss Kaoru display any kind of emotion. He loved it when she would get mad at him. Her face would get all red and she would get this adorable frown on her face. He had missed this. He had missed sitting with her, talking to her. Megumi's words had shaken the earth beneath his feet. The fact that Miss Kaoru might never get better, might leave him forever, had never occurred to him.

"Don't tell me what to do, Kenshin. I'll get up if I want to get up."

After the declaration, she stood up, or tried to, anyway. The world spun around her and she stumbled. Kenshin immediately intervened. Catching her, he let her slump against him. She fit so well against him. For a few seconds there was silence, as he enjoyed holding her. He missed those moments when she would sit with him and he would catch her stealing glances at him. He missed all those moments that had stopped once Miss Miwako had entered their lives. The woman was beautiful, but she didn't possess the inner beauty that his Miss Kaoru did.

He frowned.

Was Miss Miwako the reason Kaoru had started isolating herself? She had stopped sitting with them once the former had come into their life. His eyes followed the blush on Kaoru's face and he wondered if he was the only one who could make her blush. His thoughts darkened as he imagined some other man making her blush. _She belonged to him. _

"I-I'm sorry!" Kaoru averted her eyes as he helped her down. An awkward silence issued.

"I'll go get you some tea, Miss Kaoru."

Kenshin hurried away, not seeing the two fat tears that dripped onto Kaoru's clenched fists. _He had run away from her. _Was she that repulsive that he couldn't even hold her for a few seconds without being disgusted?

When Kenshin returned with tea and some fruit, he sensed immediately that something was wrong. She was too subdued, too silent and she refused to look at him. Her hands were trembling and she quickly sipped her tea, not caring that she was burning her tongue. When she started devouring the fruit, Kenshin put a restraining hand on her wrist.

"Eat slower, Miss Kaoru. You'll choke."

The disapproving look made her obey. Just as she was finishing the last fruit, there was the sound of someone moving outside and a soft tinkling voice called out, "Kenshin?"

Kaoru stiffened, and forced some normalcy in her voice, "You two are one a first name basis?"

Kenshin opened his mouth but she cut him off, "You should go."

He wanted to explain but when he saw her blank expression, he decided to act rather than speak. Pulling apart the screens, he saw their guest peering into his room.

"Miss Miwako."

She turned to look in his direction. Beaming, she hurried over to his side and latched onto his arm, "Kenshin, what are you doing there?"

She peered over his shoulders and when she saw Kaoru sitting on her futon, an ugly scowl distorted that delicate face.

"Kenshin! What is going on? Why were you in her room?"

Shouldering her way into the room, she turned on Kaoru. "You _are _a slut. They were right! You stay away from Kenshin! He doesn't want a slut like you! All those men you keep around you, no wonder you can't be satisfied with just one!"

Kaoru paled but before she could open her mouth to say anything, a firm hand grabbed Miwako's arm. Kenshin's eyes were a lethal gold. Fury radiated from them, "You should leave now, Miss Mawako. And do not return."

"But Kenshin!" She turned her beautiful brown eyes in his direction, brimming with tears, "She's manipulating you. She doesn't deserve you. I love you."

It was then that Kaoru chose to speak up, in the frostiest voice possible, 'Be as that may, Miwako. This is _my _house and nobody insults me in my home. Please leave. You are not welcome here any longer."

Kenshin steered her towards the door, and she resisted, "Kenshin, you know I love you! I want to be your wife. Don't choose her."

He bent down, till his face was right in front of hers, "I will _always _choose her."

His voice was loud enough to carry to Kaoru's room.

Getting rid of a screaming woman was a hard task, but she had insulted Kaoru and that was an unpardonable sin. He locked the gate and leaned against it for a second. He was starting to understand what was going on. Kaoru wasn't as tough as she pretended to be.

Making his way towards her room, he entered. She was sitting in the same position he had left her in. She looked up at him, warily, "You shouldn't have done that. I mean, she would have made you a good wife, Kenshin."

He made a sound, the golden receding from his eyes. Sitting down beside her, he made a face, "Miss Miwako calls me by my first name. It doesn't sound right coming from her."

A few words but with a powerful meaning.

She didn't know what to say. She _had _heard what he had said, but - Being who she was, she decided to ask him directly about it, "What did you mean?"

"Oro?"

"What you said to Mawiko."

Smiling, sheepishly, he rubbed the back of his head, "You heard?"

She nodded, clutching the sheets closer to her, "I want to know what you meant."

Kenshin sighed, "I didn't stay at the dojo just because I was tired of travelling, Miss Kaoru. You played a huge part in it. I don't care for Miss Miwako. She fancied me and I didn't know what to do about it." He made a face, "I tried to tell her but she would always drop by and you were never there and I didn't know how to escape her."

It felt like a huge stone had been lifted from her chest. Kaoru sighed, "You don't have to explain yourself to me, Kenshin -"

He took her hand and put it in his lap, directing a quiet look towards her, "Don't I? My actions hurt you. I can see you overwork yourself." He took a deep breath before speaking, "You think you're not good enough for me, when the truth is that I'm not good enough for me."

At her sharp intake, he refused to let her snatch back her hand and his voice grew firmer, deeper, "The Battousai is not just a fragment of my past, it is another side of me. It is the side which is not afraid of killing, of taking another life. And you are the only woman who has managed to capture my heart. You are not the only person who doesn't know what to do with their feelings. I wanted to approach you, but I didn't know how. And then Miss Miwako showed up and you started avoiding me." He smiled, sadly, "When you took away my chores for me, I thought you were tired of me."

"I'm not - that is - I would never tire of you - I mean -"

Kenshin chuckled, "I'm glad." After a few moments, he spoke, "You worried me, Miss Kaoru, over working yourself. You're very ill. Miss Megumi told me."

Kaoru turned red, not knowing what to say.

"Why didn't you come home, last night?"

Kaoru's reply was low, but he caught it, nevertheless, "I did but then I saw Miwako and you and I ..."

Kenshin frowned, confused and then his expression cleared, "She showed up last night, Miss Kaoru, and I didn't- I mean, we didn't -"

Kaoru immediately started shaking her hands, "I'm not asking for an explanation, Kenshin! I just -"

She trailed off, not knowing what to say. What _did _she want? She wanted Kenshin, but -

"Do you care for me, Miss Kaoru?"

She froze, and her eyes darted to him. His expression was serious. "Because if you don't, then I will be forced to pursue you and let me tell you, I know nothing of how to pursue a woman, Miss Kaoru." His tone was woeful.

"You will?"

He nodded his head. "I love you, Miss Kaoru. So, if you don't love me yet, I shall have to earn your love. I'm not sure how and Sano gives terrible courting advice, so I shall have to ask Miss Megumi."

His serious tone made her want to cry for a second. Instead, she started laughing. Kenshin hadn't realized how much he had missed her laughter. Without thinking, he reached forward, and grabbed her, pulling her towards him. Holding her close, he ignored her stiff form, "I missed you, Miss Kaoru. That I did."

Tears burned Kaoru's eyes and she wrapped her arms around his neck and let his warmth seep in. "I'm sorry, Kenshin. I'm so sorry for worrying you. I truly didn't mean to."

He held her to him in silence, his eyes closed, his heart content, after so long.

It was her words which made his eyes snap open.

"I love you."

"Oro?"

He tried to pull back to look at her but she tightened her hold on his neck.

"Say that again, Miss Kaoru."

"I love you, Kenshin."

He smiled and thanked the Kami for the wonderful gift he had been given.

A.N: I was thinking of a sequel where Kenshin nurses her back to health, but still thinking about it. Please review


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